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Letters From a Hospital Bed #36: Reflections From a 99 Year Old

Letters from a Hospital Bed is a series of reflections by Jim Houston, now entering his 100th year, in which Jim seeks to capture and reflect new insights of his ever-discoverable God, revealed through his own hospitalization, for the encouragement of all care givers.

An Exploration of the Strange Experience of Being Still…Well, More Still Than Normal!

July 21, 2022



Dear Friends;


In this past week, I have been exploring more deeply what I find it means for me, to know the healing of the Lord in the realm of my emotions. So much of my academic life has been grounded on what I think and can ‘fathom’, intellectually, yet as those faculties continue to wane, I find I must more deeply cry the prayer of Augustine, “let me know thee, Oh God, let me know myself” and that leads me to allow the healing grace of God to reach deeper into my own emotional life than I have allowed before. These past days I have been wrestling with the dimensions of pride and humility that shape the ground of so much of what we experience emotionally, for in the journey out of pride and into humility we are carrying a ‘payload’, as it were, of our identity and our sense of whether we need to protect and enhance that identity, or whether it is held by an Other. As I came face to face with the choices of others that have gone before, I felt a deep conviction that I had still so much to learn. So exhausting was this encounter with the revealing humility of others, that I slept for an entire day afterwards.


As we explore the health of an emotion and invite the Lord to grant us insight as to our own soul health or sickness in that regard, we find that it is by examining antithesis that we can learn much. Certainly, this is true of pride and humility for humility is, by its very nature, opposed to both vainglory and pride. I think you will find that your most real, and trusted friends are the humble. For the humble are never in rivalry with others, while the proud always are. That is why the proud are always isolated, not knowing others, nor themselves. So, the proudly impetuous disciple, Peter, not knowing himself, could not really know who Jesus was. In a strange way, he was honest in saying to the servant girl in Herod’s palace, he did not’ know' Jesus, asserting this three times, which is a way of bluntly and flatly contradicting her assertion. Later, Jesus asked Peter, three times, “Do you love me? Peter had to learn painfully, what he later wrote that yes indeed, “God gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter: 5:5). The Psalmist David, having committed three terrible sins; sexually with Bathsheba; as a murderer of her husband by putting him as commander of his army on the front of the battle where he was slain; and worst of all, in having a census made, of his armed force, which was forbidden by God, as showing a lack of trust in God’s Word that He would always defend Israel, then repentant, now declares early in his lists of lamentations, that God “forgets not the cry of the humble” (Ps. 9:12). For now, David had experienced human intimacy with God, as a humbled man. Now, David no longer experienced the distance and separation produced by pride, which had generated sin, which Adam and Eve had cosmologically caused “The Fall of Man. Two more recent examples have moved my heart such that I want to share them with you for your encouragement. In early 17th century England, after the confusion of the Civil War, was George Herbert (1593-1633) set out to be a reforming pastor. We saw last week how he welcomed his parishioners to the porch of the church with a holy sprinkling. His parish was not in a grand place, and he eschewed fame. He did not even publish his outstanding poetry. This was done after his death by his friend Nicolas Ferrar, who suggests, concerning Herbert’s humility, that Herbert was quite indifferent to his professional status preferring to be a ‘country parson’, a choice that cost him more stately appointments. He even once set out to take on a church that was in ruins and in dire need of repair. Indifferent to the qualifications Cambridge University required for ordination, he took his time in getting any qualification. Today, no doubt, he would be horrified that any should be called “a Master of Divinity”, marvelling instead at how little of the mysteries of God could be fathomed much less mastered! Ferrar notes that “next to god, Herbert loved God’s Word, magnifying it above all else”. This contributed to his own cultivated brilliance of language whether in speech or in poetry. Thus Herbert stood apart with no interest whatever about preferment or advancement, for his passion for God’s word, his devotion to serve God’s people, and by embodying the essentials of Christian living together, by the daily practice of praying with his wife, and three nieces, daughters of his deceased sister, twice a day. In his poems he has only six that focus on humility. In the first, he sees that as congregants enter the church, its floor has a mosaic with the word ‘Humility’ designed on it. He shows the humility of Mary Magdalene a repentant prostitute wiping the feet of Jesus, “in pensive humbleness would live and tread”. (poem “Mary Magdalene”). Finally, he directs the congregants’ attention to the humility of the Son of God, “for what Christ in humbleness began, We, Him in glory call, the Son of Man”. At this stage of my life, I find myself deeply challenged by Herbert to reflect on a pattern in his life that I have too often resisted as a marker for my own. I am humbled by his example. A second exemplar is Martin Luther, reformer of the 17th. century. In great irony, we depict him, as a giant figure of a man, defying the Roman Catholic emissaries at the Diet of Worms in 1521. “Here I stand, I can do no other”, we famously hear him say. Some see him as the “icon of the individual”, as Ronald Rittgers, observes. in his essay (Ronald Ritters,” Martin Luther, the selfless Christian” (in “Sources of the Christian Self, ed. James M. Houston & Jens Zimmerman, pp. 379-391), 2018). Ironically, Luther is the exact opposite. Rather he is like George Herbert one of the humblest of men. For Luther scarcely saw he had “a self” at all. In Luther’s early years of ministry, he had learnt and taught the Psalms, seeing how David abases himself as a repentant sinner. He learned that the goal of human existence is to come to non-existence like Adam now is, and be renewed as Christ has been resurrected, to be now no longer “in self", but “in Christ”. His identity is no longer “in Luther”. In his lectures on the Epistle to the Romans (1515-16), he states, “the purpose of this letter, is to humiliate the proud, and teach them they need grace, by which to live. As Ritters notes, this is still so shocking to scholars today, that there is still enormous controversy, about the role of humility in our salvation. All this arose from Luther’s view of God as depicted in the psalms. For Luther, this humility is not a word that can be defined in a dictionary but can only be witnessed in the saints of God, like George Herbert and Martin Luther. I have been personally deeply challenged by my brief reflections on these two men and how they allowed the Lord to shape in their emotional life, a deep humility of spirit. And so, as my friends, I pray for you…

Dear Lord, we are beginning to realize that it is only in the communion of saints, where saints like George Herbert and Martin Luther abide eternally with Thee, that we can voice with the words of Martin Luther, that it is not ‘I’ that lives any longer, but that it is the new identity of ‘Christ in me”, that we have our identities. Forgive us Lord, for putting so much distorted emphasis on “My ministry”, or “I am me”. Amen.



In friendship;



Jim



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Leonard Hjalmarson
Leonard Hjalmarson
Jul 25, 2022

thanks Jim - grateful that God is giving you the time you need to complete this project! Felt to share this with you this morning, from Wendell Berry. Title "Amish Economy" --

We live by mercy if we live. To that we have no fit reply But working well and giving thanks, Loving God, loving one another, To keep Creations neighborhood. And my friend David Kline told me “It falls strangely on Amish ears, This talk of how you find yourself. We Amish, after all, don't try To find ourselves. We try to lose Ourselves” -- and thus are lost within The found world of sunlight and rain Where fields are green and then are ripe, And the people eat together by The charity of God, who is kind Even to those who give no…

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Dear Dr Houston, thank you so much for these thoughts on pride and humility. They are challenging and useful. There is no likelihood that you will remember details of your visit to New Zealand many years ago but those of us blessed by your ministry then surely do. While you and your wife were in Hamilton, the friend with who I shared a home had the delight and honour or you staying with us. I remember it well. I have appreciated your words about George Herbert. Some years ago another friend asked what I would like for Christmas and I asked for a book of his poems. When she gave it to another friend to deliver she…

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Doug Reichel
Doug Reichel
Jul 21, 2022

Dear Jim, Your thoughts on humility and pride undergird something of God's gracious dealings with me. Who I am to me -my identity- was anxiety-born in a tension-dominated early upbringing. Christ's wooing of me as a teenager opened for me a truer sense of self within Christ's own self. Then, over the years, losses and failure as a parent, the removal of a teaching career and now the dismantling of my business seems to have humility-checked pride in any other identity, leaving me with a deep sense of vulnerability. Perhaps, though, like my 9-month-old grandson with his parents, there's an emerging confidence in the trustworthiness of God's own parenting of me. It is gradually becoming enough to be "Christ's …


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Jim McCool
Jim McCool
Jul 21, 2022

Dear Father Jim, Thank you for your meditations on humility. I have recently been made aware of the humility and the desire to avoid fame that was also present in John Calvin. Julie Canlis’ essay “John Calvin: Knowing the Self in God’s Presence” (in “Sources of the Christian Self”, ed. James M. Houston & Jens Zimmerman, pp. 392-410), 2018) pointed out the underlying sanctified Fear of the Lord that permeated Calvin’s life and made his teaching on providence and predestination sources of relational comfort - not the judicial rulings they have evolved into through subsequent theological studies. In fact, as he was writing, Calvin strongly opposed “the fear-mongering tactics of the priests who portrayed God as a ‘stern judge a…

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